Mike Posner writes some of the most inspiration e-mails we receive at our office. He recently sent us one with 'How To Deal with Haters' . Visit www.MikePosner.com and sign up for his newsletter to get them sent to you once or twice a month.
Written by Mike Posner
- Don’t DO ANYTHING….at least until the initial sting wears off. Doing nothing until you calm down is a powerful move until you can calm down. Let’s go through the time frame with my experience with Zara’s negative Tweet.
- 9:31pm Mike Reads Zara's Tweet.
- 9:31pm Mike Feels Shitty, Insulted, and Hurt.
- 9:32pm Mike Considers Firing Back, But Remembers a Quote from Oprah Winfrey: "Doubt Means Don't."
- 9:40 Mike has considered some things he’s grateful for and cooled down a bit.
- 9:56pm Mike Calls Tom Gates for Advice.
- 9:59pm Mike decides to RT Zara and keeps it positive:
- Start a Hate Mail Page. I got this idea from listening to Amanda Palmer. On my website, there is a page solely devoted to the terrible things people say about me. http://michaelroberthenrionposner.tumblr.com/tagged/hate-mail …Instead of letting it fester in my mind, it helps me to process the hate. I know creating a Hate Mail page sounds counter-intuitive, but it works. By sharing the hate mail, my mind goes from viewing it as offensive to viewing it as hilarious. Once while going through the list with my mother, we both began laughing so hysterically that tears were pouring from out eyes. The Hate Mail Page helps me not take myself too seriously.
- Be Grateful. Be mindful of your negativity bias and counter it by making a short list of things you are grateful for. Don't dismiss this as new-age nonsense; this is a brain exercise and it works. Tonight, mine looked like this:
- I am so grateful I am in Hawaii with my family. I know most families don’t get to spend time here.
- I am so grateful I am healthy. I am truly blessed to have a body in good condition.
- I am so grateful I have a song on the radio right now. I know this is to be cherished and is rare.
- I am so grateful for all of the food I got to eat today. I am so blessed to have food to keep me alive and nourish and energized.
- Do what feels right. Would engaging in a Twitter feud with Ms. Larrson make me more popular? Perhaps. But at what price? I don’t want to be popular for being mean to young women. I want my music to be popular. I also don’t want Zara to feel the shitty, insulted, hurt feeling back because of something I wrote. I’m sure she already has to deal with her own haters. I don’t want to be one of them. Listen to Auntie Oprah Winfrey: The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every right decision I've made—every right decision I've ever made—has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I've ever made was a result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.
If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. That's the lesson.
~Oprah Winfrey (Stanford Commencement Speech 2008)
DISCLAIMER: Doing the right thing is scary. It’s lonely. I’ve written about this before in my post “Why I Stopped Wearing Makeup.” Sometimes the only one to congratulate you is your own heart. In fact, that’s part of the reason I am writing this article RIGHT NOW. I want someone to tell me “good job,” and I know someof the comments that will flow in from writing this piece will read, “Great piece Mike,” “You’re so mature Mike,” or “bla bla bla bla” Am I writing from a place of ego? Partially. I enjoy getting compliments like anyone else. But I also genuinely hopes this will help you deal with the hate you will inevitably encounter while chasing your chasing. God speed.
When in doubt, you can never go wrong listening to Oprah :): https://youtu.be/Bpd3raj8xww?t=14m (this link starts with the passage I quoted above, but it’s worth listening to the whole thing if you have time).
Remember, you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. Don’t forget it. Let me know if this helps at all. All my love,
Listen to one of our favorite songs by Mike below. Don't stop